The Aftermath
by Morganeth Taren'drel
Summary: Soldiers are given extensive training against torture. But John was never prepared to have the years of his life sucked away at the hand of a Wraith. Whether he likes it or not, he has to come to terms with what happened. Tag for Common Ground


**AN**: This would be my first ever Stargate Atlantis fic. I only recently became addicted to the show and when I saw the episode Common Ground I knew I wanted to write a short companion piece for it. Took me forever to figure out just how I wanted it to work, but I think I'm not reasonably happy with the results. I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters from Stargate Atlantis

**The Aftermath**

"Colonel?"

"John?"

Awareness returned to John Sheppard slowly, he recognized immediately the voices of both Carson and Teyla though it left him wondering for a moment what they were both doing in his quarters. The moment passed when he heard the familiar sound of a heart monitor striking out its constant beat. John's mind was too fuzzy at the moment to remind him how he'd ended up in the Atlantis infirmary. Opening his eyes John took in the relieved faces of both Carson and Teyla.

"It's good to have you back Colonel," Carson said with clear relief his hand coming to rest on John's shoulder.

"Did I go somewhere?" he asked with a tired smile, mouth and throat dry from lack of use.

"You collapsed as soon as you got back into the jumper," Teyla explained eyes flickering from John's face to Carson's.

John's mind had no trouble retrieving the memory now, and his right hand absently reached for his chest. A shirt clothed him but he could see from the edge of the V neck that there was a bandaged covering the wound the Wraith left behind. He could still feel it clearly, but shut his eyes and mind against it, it could be dealt with later.

Carson was watching him carefully, "You gave us quite a scare there Colonel. Not only to find a Wraith can return life, but you were running on pure adrenalin at the time," he smiled.

"Well I'm glad of that," John returned dryly shifting in the bed, "How long was I out?"

"Nearly two days," Teyla informed.

John pushed himself up, feeling an ache pull in his chest, "Well I think I've spent enough time in bed," he hardly finished the sentence when Carson was pressing him back against the bed.

"Now Colonel if you don't mind, the feeding process takes a great deal out of a human body," the doctor began tone serious. "And you were fed on more times that I thought a human could stand."

He didn't like this subject of conversation, he didn't like being forced to stare in the face what had happened. The memory was too fresh, the edges razor sharp, he could all but feel himself dying as the seconds ticked by. Could see the hunger in the Wraith's eyes it had been all consuming. "But I got it all back," he attempted another smile to show he was okay but Carson wasn't buying any of it.

"Aye Colonel," he began maintaining his hold on John's shoulders, "I know less about this process than I do the feeding, but I think it's safe to say it takes a lot out of the body."

"It is only for a little while Colonel," Teyla put in a smile on her face, "There is no rush." John wasn't a fan of laying here doing nothing, but he nodded if only to appease them both, and let himself settle back in the bed. The Athosian leader rested a hand briefly on his arm, "I am glad you are well," with a nodded to Dr Beckett she turned and walked from the infirmary.

John pulled his eyes from the door looking back to Carson, "So when can I go?"

"I'd like to keep you under observation for another twenty-four hours," he explained reaching out to make a quick adjustment to the IV leading into the back of John's right hand. "How's the pain?" Carson asked reaching for the collar of John's shirt.

"I'm fine Carson," John assured watching as the doctor pealed back the edge of the bandaged taking a quick look at the healing wound on his chest.

"Just try and get some rest Colonel," Carson patted John's shoulder before walking away.

He lay there for a moment blue eyes staring at but not seeing the far wall of the infirmary, he could hear the soft conversation Carson was having with his staff, but he couldn't make out what they were saying. With nothing in front of him, and nothing to distract himself with, John could feel his eyes grow heavy. And despite having been out for nearly forty-eight hours, his body wanted to sink into the blackness of sleep. But as John's eyes fell closed he could feel the pressure of the Wraith's hand on his chest. Could feel it sucking the years from his life, would swear he felt the cool almost panting breath against his face.

John stiffened in the bed eyes flying opened, "Can't stay here…" he muttered pushing himself into a sitting position. Leaning forward John searched for Carson, but the Scottish doctor was seated before his computer absorbed in his work. With no one else in sight John reached for the wires leading to his chest and quickly removed them before turning his attention to the IV. Shutting off the flow John just removed the plastic tube and slid his legs over the edge of the bed.

Without a backward glance the Colonel padded from the infirmary on bare feet. The 'escape' sent a flash of adrenalin through his system, which left his legs feeling shaky under him. The halls of Atlantis were never empty not this close to the main tower, but the men and women John passed didn't try to stop him or even really take note of him. Thankfully it didn't take long for John to make it to his quarters. Shutting the door behind him John visually searched the room hoping to find something that could prove a distraction. What he finally found was the tablet he'd been working on before that last mission.

Picking it up John lowered himself onto his bed, breathing a sigh of relief as he legs began to shake from the effort. With computer in hand John settled himself back against his pillow and began going over the information. He made careful effort to read each detail even those he might otherwise have skimmed, all in an attempt to keep his mind totally occupied.

John blinked his eyes feeling tired as he continued to read. His body felt like lead on the mattress, and his vision was beginning to blur as he fought to focus on the words. With a reluctant sigh John placed the tablet aside and let his eyes fall closed, focusing all his thoughts on a fairs wheel. It had been far too long since he'd been able to ride one. His trips back to Earth had never allowed him a moment of frivolous pleasure, no matter how much he might have wanted to show Teyla what he had spoken of for so long.

WMWMW

He was bound, arms held tightly behind him to the point where his chest was stretched back against the chair. He could feel the ropes biting into his skin, but it was only a passing realization. Gagged and unable to speak John was staring into the face of a Wraith, with nothing standing between him and his enemy. He could see the unrelenting hunger in its eyes, didn't miss the eager curve to the Wraith's mouth as its hand was freed.

John struggled against his restraints but it was in vein, his chest was open primed for a feeding. The Wraith pressed his palm to John's chest and he could feel the mouth like gash on the creatures palm open and seared into his flesh. Pain ignited throughout his body and John could feel the years draining form his body as cells were created and died at far too rapid a pace. He had never experienced pain down to the cellular level; his vision faded out, but couldn't be sure if it was the pain, or the rapid aging of his body.

Biting back on cries of pain John's body convulsed against the pressure digging deeper into his chest.

WMWMW

John's body leapt from the bed, instincts screaming at him to defend himself. Surprised to find his arms free John took hold of the creature tearing its arm from his chest as he forced it down.

"Colonel!" a familiar voice called out, and it sounded like a cry of pain. "Colonel Sheppard!" Carson's voice cut through the fog and John blinked his eyes seeing for the first time.

He stood by his bed, hands pressing Carson down into the mattress one arm twisted painfully behind the doctor's back. Releasing his friend immediately John backed away raising his hands. He knocked into a chair and dropped down onto it, still trying to shake away the last remnants of sleep. "Sorry…" he muttered after a moment.

Carson still looking a little stunned had seated himself on John's bed. "Colonel I thought I said you were to stay in the infirmary for twenty-four hours." Dr Beckett rubbed at his shoulder but his tone was firm, patient care first as always. "Not leave whenever your bloody feel like it," concern was evident in Carson's voice.

John pulled a hand through his hair feeling his fingers trembled as he did, "Sorry about that," he said finally gesturing towards Carson's arm.

"What happened Colonel?" the doctor asked right hand dropping from his shoulder, before he got to his feet.

"You surprised me, that's all," John answered with a shrug.

Dr Beckett looked at John eyes piercing, "Why did you leave the infirmary?" Carson asked pulling a penlight from his lab coat before steadying John's head with his free hand.

He squinted against the bright light, "Needed to get some work done."

"Colonel, you nearly died no one's expecting you to do anything but rest."

"I'd really prefer to get back to work," John said blue eyes pulling away from Carson's penetrating stare.

The doctor took hold of John's wrist eyes finally leaving the Colonel's face to check his watch; "You won't be doing anything until I've given you the all clear."

"Carson, I told you I feel fine."

"Well all due respect Colonel you don't look fine," Dr Beckett reached out to rest his hand on John's forehead, "You're running a fever."

John sighed, but pushed himself to his feet feeling steadier as he walked back over to his bed. Dropping down on it John reached for the computer that had been lying forgotten beside him. This wasn't right; he was a well trained soldier; he had been trained to handle torture. So what if they'd never even considered the Wraith when the US military were preparing their men. The same methods should have worked here! But none of it seemed to matter, John couldn't muster up his defenses against this, he had watched his life drain away, in a matter of days. That was a hard thing to forget.

"Colonel?" Carson asked voice calm almost soothing.

"Do you know what it feels like to die on a cellular level?" Sheppard asked suddenly, the words surprising him as much as Carson when he looked up to meet eyes with the doctor. "I know we have cells growing and dying all the time, but to actually feel it?"

"I can't say that I do Colonel," the doctor admitted, taking the seat John had vacated. "To be perfectly honest I've wanted to know as much as I can about that process," Carson began eyes looking from John to the rest of the room as though he wasn't sure how to continue. "I haven't had a patient yet who was willing to talk about it."

John felt a tired smirk pull at his lips, "You still might not." It was hard enough for John to admit to himself that this had shaken him straight to his core, he wasn't sure he could say it out loud more than he already had.

Carson seemed to consider him for a minute, "Colonel if you were to tell me you were fine, I'll tell you now I wouldn't believe it. I wouldn't expect anyone to be fine after that."

John opened his mouth to respond, but stopped himself immediately when he realized he'd been about to say 'I'm fine.' He might not have been believed, but it was what he felt he had to say, "Just need to convince ourselves…" he muttered not meeting Carson's eyes. It was a hard thing to admit that he was shaken from this, he'd stared Queens in the face, with a confident smirk. Would he ever be able to do that again?

"Dr Wire and I both would like you to speak to Dr Heightmeyer," Carson said after a moment.

"Unless you've experienced it…" John began.

"I know we'll never really know what its like," the doctor nodded, "But talking through it can help; besides you did the same thing for Teyla."

There was no denying that, he'd had full confidence in Dr Heightmeyer's abilities to help Teyla through her nightmares. So how now could he shield himself from the same help? John pulled a hand down his face, feeling the exhaustion of those recent events pulling him down.

"Come back to the infirmary Colonel," Dr Beckett coaxed getting to his feet and resting a hand on John's shoulder. "I'll give you something to help you sleep."

WMWMW

"A penny for your thoughts Colonel?"

John blinked looking up from his hands to see Dr Heightmeyer standing beside his bed. He was a little surprised he hadn't heard her approach. With a welcoming smirk he answered "Lamenting the Super Bowl results."

She chuckled taking a seat next to the bed, "You and half the base."

There was a long moment of awkward silence; at least it felt awkward on John's end Kate looked completely comfortable. She was relaxed, as though she were content to just sit like that for the rest of the day, simply being a friendly presence.

"Look, Doc I…" John began with a sigh.

"It's alright John, Carson told me what you said," her expression was serene a picture of reassurance without being condescending. "I can't fathom what it must have felt like, and I don't know if you're ready to talk about it…"

"Did you know it hurts more to have your life returned than taken?" John asked cutting her off, he had been considering it for a while internally shuddering at the feeling but forcing himself to see it.

Thanks for Reading

Morganeth Taren'drel


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